I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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