she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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