no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
