Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
