Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
