Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
