awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
