Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
