I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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