I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
