My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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