Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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