It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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