it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
