Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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