when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
