I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize