I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
