i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
