my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
