he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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