so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My bed smells like the plague
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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