Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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