it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
