Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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