I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
