You were right. It hurts to walk today.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
