Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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