We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
