im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
