It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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