saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
