the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
