it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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