My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
