i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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