this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
