Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
