Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
