i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
