i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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