It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think my nap took me to another dimension
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
