That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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