I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
