I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
His hands were made for my vagina.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
