So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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