Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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