Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
