he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
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There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
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Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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