OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
