Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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