he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"