I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
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In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast