This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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