I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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