Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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