5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
