um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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