dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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