I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
don't judge my taste in strippers
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
