i think my tv is drunk
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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