New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
