i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
