why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
