fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
