If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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