Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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