All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
