pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Everclear isn't food dammit
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
