You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize