I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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