I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
