Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
