if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
