dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
